Super Turducken IV Rules All

Posted by Geoffrey Brown

MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Folks, here’s the rub:

Each year the football season comes to a close with the Super Bowl and with each Super Bowl, I unveil a new Super Turducken. This year Super Turducken IV was brought to you by Super Bowl XLV.

Super Turducken IV was easily the best yet. The first three versions each had profound faults; I had no idea what I was doing with Super Turducken I: I only used 1 chicken, 1 duck, and 1 turkey (amateur) and cut my hands around 10 times. Super Turducken II used a small Turkey (24 lbs) and I subsequently sliced the connective skin tissue between the breasts, which made two distinct halves of the Turkey. Super Turducken III reversed the momentum with 2 Chickens, 2 Ducks, and a 32 lb Turkey, which provided more substance and stability, but layers of spices were mistakenly left out, causing reduced tastiness and additional dryness.

Super Turducken IV not only corrected previous mistakes but also incorporated new ideas. The first major change was cutting six hours and multiple hand-cuts out of the equation by outsourcing the deboning of the birds to the poultry shop (Puritan Poultry in the Grove) for a modest $25.

The second major change was the creation and utilization of Meat Glue. Roughly 10 months ago Meat Glue was brought to my attention by this video. I then concocted my own version of Meat Glue from 3 ground Cornish game hens, 8 eggs, 6 tbsp butter, 3 tbsp oil, some milk and a shitload of spices. Meat Glue did three distinct things:

1) It was an incredible binding adhesive between layers. So much so it defied gravity.
2) It added another bird to the Turkey, Duck and Chicken combo.
3) It delivered all the spices to each layer of ST IV.
4) I must repeat … it defied gravity.

Additionally, Meat Glue provided the inspiration for stitching ST IV like a football because it literally, like I said, defied gravity, which really churned the creative juices. So, I started poking skewers into the would-be-seams of the bird and realized the skewers were laying the blueprint for Turducken surgery. Naturally, the next step was to skewer all of the seams and then begin running twine through it with a big ol’ needle.

After having sewed the Turducken up, it went in the fridge to cool down. Next up was oven-baking three racks of ribs with the Detective’s Dry Rub and then coating them with the Detective’s BBClue Sauce as they finished on the grill over a low flame geared toward caramelizing the sauce’s sugars.

OK … back to ST IV. Because the Turducken is a solid core, you have to cook it in a roasting pot at a low temperate for many hours. I spent eight hours cooking it at 275 degrees. It came out perfect. But before it was ready to be served, it needed to be dressed up in its formal wear: So, we made a bow-tie of bacon and used two racks of ribs as the vest.

It cuts like a meatloaf because of the deboning process — it sliced right onto people’s plates and slid right into their bellies. Super Turducken IV weighed in around 38 lbs and could easily feed 40 people. But the time investment was around 14 hours and it cost around $200 … that’s if you’re not cutting corners.

How could it better? Very simple, really … more bacon. Next time I’m going to incorporate more bacon into the Meat Glue.

Ingredient Listing:
Homemade stuffing w/ 3 Jimmy Dean representatives (Hot/Sage/Regular).
Meat Glue (made from 3 ground Cornish game hens, eggs, butter, oil, milk, spices).
2 whole chickens.
2 whole ducks.
1 34lb Turkey.
Vest of Baby Back Ribs.
And Bow-Tie of bacon.

Quick Play-by-Play:
Stuffing. Meat Glue. Chicken. Meat Glue. Chicken. Meat Glue. Duck. Meat Glue. Duck. Meat Glue. Turkey. Vest. Bow-Tie. Boom.

Slide Show: Click here

‘Til next time,
Geoffrey Brown

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  • Amelia

    I’ve been to this party…and the turducken is definitely a highlight, as are Geoff’s lessons in firing the tops of champagne bottles off the roof.